


One Foot In The Gutter

by pommedhappy



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Ashton Fakes Feeling Sad, Ashton is Jealous of Calum, Depressed Michael, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Nothing Really Triggering (I Think), Protective Ashton, Protective Calum, Strong Malum Friendship, Very Brief Reference to Past Self-Loathing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-07-15 00:01:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7196930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pommedhappy/pseuds/pommedhappy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ashton sighs, questioning his decision for a second before knocking on the door.</p>
<p>The thing is Michael is sad, has been for a few weeks, and Ashton can’t take it anymore. It’s not hard to understand that Michael is quite depressed right now and wants to be alone, but the way he keeps isolating himself from the rest of the band really starts to worry Ashton. That’s how he came up with a plan, in order to get Michael out of this dark place the younger boy keeps going. </p>
<p>It’s probably the worst decision he never took, but at this point he’s ready to try and do anything in his power to make his friend feel better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Foot In The Gutter

Ashton sighs, questioning his decision for a second before knocking on the door.

The thing is Michael is sad, has been for a few weeks, and Ashton can’t take it anymore. He tried everything else, like parties, food, games, nice walks in beautiful places, and deep conversations, but the younger boy turned him down every time. He even tried to cuddle him to death, as a proof of his love for him, but that only made Michael slightly angry because Ashton didn’t even like cuddles that much and he could keep his pity to himself. The boy apologized an hour later, but he still refused for Ashton to come closer to him. 

Now, amongst the band, Ashton is the one feeling homesick the least. Not because he thinks less about his family or anything, but the period of his life where he continuously felt out of place and not good enough is definitely over. When he was a teenager, it was easy to drawn in self-loathing because loneliness can do that to one person. But now he found three other boys that make him feel at home wherever they are, that love him to death and who he loves to death. And he finally feels at peace, like he found his place in the world.  
Michael is another story, though. The younger boy is a literal ball of sunshine when he’s good but while being sad he will hide his pain under loud fake laughs, and jokes, and exclamations like, “Fuck the haters”, while underneath he would be really down in the bump. 

It’s not hard to understand that Michael is quite depressed right now and wants to be alone, but the way he keeps isolating himself from the rest of the band really starts to worry Ashton. Every times he looks into sad green eyes he want to scream, and seeing his friend lose his brightness a little more everyday makes him crazy. That’s how he came up with a plan, in order to get Michael out of this dark place the younger boy keeps going. 

It’s probably the worst decision he never took, but at this point he’s ready to try and do anything in his power to make his friend feel better. That’s why he’s currently in front of Michael’s hotel room, about to lie to one of his best friends in order to keep him company without having to explain the difference between pity and care for hours. 

After a minute or so he finally hears soft sounds coming from the room, and the door opens, revealing a disheveled Michael with very red eyes. Ashton doesn’t have doubt anymore, he’s ready for this. He tilts his head slightly and looks at the younger boy underneath his eyelashes, knowing all too well what that look does to his friends. “Hi, Mickey. Can I stay with you tonight?” He tries his best to look sheepish but doesn’t worry too much; he’s always been too good at acting. 

Michael judges him a moment, obviously attempting to determine if Ashton is genuine, and it would make the older boy quite guilty if the circumstances weren’t as extreme. Finally he opens the door to let his friend enter and go back to bed on his side; the left this time, he always takes the side nearest to the door. Ashton joins him on the bed but the younger boy lays with his back to him, and he can’t accept that. “Could we… Could we cuddle for a bit, please?” The younger boy turns to look at him, “Are you okay?” 

“Yes, I’m fine. I was just… feeling a bit lonely, you know?” Michael nods, easily agreeing and opens his arms. Ashton is on him in a second, burying his face in his friend’s neck and hugging him tightly. “Thank you, Mikey. Love you.” The younger boy doesn’t answer but he wraps his arms back around Ashton, and nuzzles lightly his curly hair. It feels the same that a I love you too. 

The next morning Ashton feels too hot, and his neck hurts slightly but he also has slept like a baby; and waking up next to Michael makes everything okay. The blond boy is currently drooling a little on Ashton’s shoulder, and the older boy isn’t even grossed out. Besides when he finally wakes up, Michael seems slightly more at ease that he had been in weeks. They eat breakfast with their bandmates, and Michael actually speaks a lot, even cracking a few jokes that sound genuine. At that moment, it’s pretty easy for Ashton to forget about what leaded to this good night of sleep. 

That morning they have an interview, and everything goes well, but when they come back on the tour bus Michael slumps on the couch, in front of a black tv. Luke tries to sit next to him but the other kicks him out while groaning something sounding like “my couch”. Luke huffs but he also gives him another pillow before leaving for his bunk, so it’s obvious the youngest boy isn’t really offended. 

Calum passes Michael, ruffling his blond hair and placing a soft kiss on it, before grabbing a snack and following after Luke. And of course Michael doesn’t yell at Calum, he never does, because they’re best friends since always, and because he knows that Calum would never pity him. As if Luke or Ashton would ever do something like that, it’s fucking unfair. 

Ashton knows that he sounds jealous, but honestly… He’s super jealous actually. So he moves into action, using a technique created by one Luke Hemmings. He stands in front of his friend and pouts very exaggeratedly. “Mikeeeey, I need a cuddle.”

The younger boy looks up at him, obviously surprised. He narrows his eyes for a second before sighing. “Fine, come here.” Ashton goes quickly, almost buzzing with excitement, throwing his arms around Michael and kissing his shoulder until the other boy hugs him back. “Does it really make you feel better?” Ashton nods easily, because, hey, it’s not even a lie, “Yes, it really does. You’re the best friend ever.” The blond sighs again, “Yeah, yeah, love you too, Ash.”

So Ashton keeps spending as much time as possible with his friend, cuddling with Michael when he sits on the couch, or stands in the mini kitchen, and sleeping with him when they spend the night in a hotel.

After a week, the younger boy is smiling again even if he still looks sad sometimes, but things are better. That day, he even agrees to go to the gym with Luke after their breakfast. The youngest member of the band looks delighted to finally spend some time with his friend.

Ashton watches them leave with fond eyes. He still believes that lying to Michael is the worst decision he never made, but selfishly he knows he had to. Because seeing the younger boy be excited about something again is worth the guilt he’s feeling. He doesn’t turn his look away until the two boys disappear from his sight, only to find Calum watching him closely.

“What are you doing?” His dark eyes are unreadable, and his face is really serious. “What?” He cringes when Calum only narrows his eyes. Okay, the situation isn’t good, and his first instinct is to run because Calum may be his best friend but the brown haired boy would furiously fight every people trying to mess with his Michael.

“I saw you get out of his room this morning, and asked Mike about it. He said you were feeling a little down, homesick. Except you never seek for comfort, always afraid to burden us, and you especially wouldn’t go to Michael when you know he has his own problems. So, what are you doing?” Ashton hangs his head in shame, his cheeks turning slightly red.

“I just… It was too hard to watch him being sad everyday without trying to do something. And nothing was working, I…” He’s breathless already, and he stops talking to calm himself, knowing that his rambling won’t appease Calum. “I know how much Michael values honesty, but I promise you I won’t hurt him, never.”

“Michael always needs some time before opening up, and I’ll never think lies are a good way to make him happy.” A faint smile stretches Calum’s lips, and his voice is softer, “But well, it seems to work, at least. But you better not fuck up, Ash.” The last words aren’t a threat, and on the contrary Calum looks a little worry for Ashton. The older boy is well aware of that, and he will tell Michael everything, eventually, when the younger boy will be less vulnerable. And be in a more forgiveness place… Oh God, he’s a terrible friend.

This night, when Ashton knocks on Michael’s room, his sheepish face is not an act. The younger boy opens the door immediately, probably expecting him by now. He only looks at him a second before frowning, “What’s wrong?” So maybe Ashton isn’t usually a really good actor either, if Michael can see the difference so easily.

“I need to tell you something.” The blond boy opens the door, letting him in, and sits on the bed, waiting. Ashton sits next to him, nervously playing with his hands. “I’m not really homesick.” Michael tilts his head, looking at him curiously. “Then why are you sad?” The older boy chews his lips, “I lied to you, about feeling lonely; I wasn’t feeling homesick. I just wanted to spend more time with you.” 

“Why?” Michael seems calm but Ashton can’t read any emotions on his face. “You weren’t letting me come near to you, and… And I love you, okay, I can’t stand and watch you being sad without trying to do something about it. I just can’t, it was driving me crazy.” 

“Not that. I know about that. Why did you want to spend more time with me?” He _knew_? What that even means? But Ashton knows better than questioning Michael without giving him answers first. Besides, the question is quite easy.

“I always want to be with you, Mikey, ever since we met. And you don’t seem to know how important you are to me. It’s like… I’m not homesick, because I have you, and Cal and Luke, but mostly you. I love you, so much. And you being sad actually hurt me too, because you’re like a little ray of sunshine in everyone’s life, in mine, and it’s painful to watch you being down. Because all I want to do is keep you safe from the world, and for you to feel loved; because you are, you are loved, so much.” Ashton breathes deeply, trying to calm his beating heart. 

Suddenly, Michael is very close to him, his face just a few inches from Ashton’s. “You’re really mad?” The younger boy shakes his head slowly. “No, I’m not. I knew you were faking being homesick, but you did really look sad. I talked with Calum about it, and he agreed with me, you would never try to lie to me without a good reason.”

“So, you talk with Calum.” It wasn’t supposed to sound so bitter, but well… Apparently his jealousy towards Calum has no end when it comes to Michael. The younger boy actually looks down at that, and Ashton feels instantly guilty. “I do; it’s easy to speak to Calum. I don’t really understand it myself, and it doesn’t mean that I want to reject you, or Luke. Or that I love the both of you less that I love Calum. I love you, Ash. That’s why I let you in that first night.”

The words make his heart flutter, and Ashton usually never think about it. But he does tonight, and he remembers how he met Michael at a party, and how the younger boy has immediately held his attention. Especially when they started to talk and realized how much in common they had. Ashton knew right away that Michael would be an important person in his life. He just never though about the love he has for the younger boy in a way tout could be more than friendship. Yet, the green eyes staring at him right now don’t make him feel friendly feelings.

Michael grabs one of his hands in his, “So I’m sorry, for not speaking to you when you were trying really hard to be there for me. And I’m not mad at you; I would probably have done something extreme too, if you were the one being down.” 

The younger boy comes even closer, sitting on Ashton’s lap and wrapping his arms around his broad shoulders. His forehead finds Ashton’s and he smiles at him. “So, just one more time; how much do you love me exactly?” The glint of joy in Michael’s eyes erases all sassy comebacks from Ashton’s mind. 

So he chooses the only good answer in this context and crashes his lips on Michael’s. He knows he took the best decision of his life when he feels the younger boy smile against his mouth, before the blond kisses him back with all he has.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really know what to say... I don't know where that came from. I hope you liked it even just a bit, thought.  
> As usual, let me know if you see mistakes, I'm still trying to improve my English.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr (lucamashton) or in letting comments in the section below. Thank you so much for reading my little stories.
> 
> See you soon, xxx


End file.
